Ahh so the day begins with a huge text from a former friend, uncovering the truth from the lies I was being told by the ex. (I hope this makes sense). I’m not a person who seeks revenge on people. although I do believe the sweetest revenge is self inflicted..

Vent sesh:

If you want to lie to me.. go right ahead. Most of the time, I find out the truth whether I want to or not, but It’s when you continue to lie when you have the opportunity to tell the truth. That really upsets me. I trusted you, and backed you up. I believed in you, believed your lies.. and this is how you return the favor? I don’t care what pretty little words you have to say. Your I love you’s, or I’m sorry’s won’t work for me anymore. You’re not truly sorry.. you’re just sorry you got caught in the act. Telling other people you don’t talk to me, or that you’re seeing someone else is beyond the lowest you have ever gone. Who are you trying to prove? Yourself… Do I embarrass you? Am I too ugly for you? Are you using me just to satisfy your sexual needs? If that’s the case why can’t you just tell me. Be a fucking man, and stop playing these games.. I held on to you.. HUGE MSTAKE.. I should have just let you go the first time but no.. I was too involved.. too comfortable. I lied to myself for you.. to be with you. I wanted to be happy, so I pretended to be. Why didn’t you see that? You had every opportunity to change things, to make me truly happy, but I’m just not good enough for you. Well I’m sorry.. For whatever reason you have and why you can’t confront me. I don’t know why you can’t just talk to me and tell me the truth.. I would respect you a hell of a lot more than I do now. Every time trouble lurks around the corner,you bullshit yourself and make up stories.. Or worse you turn the situation around on me. Not cool bro. Not cool. I’m done with your house rules and controlling manner.. You can’t boss me around and treat me like you do. Ahh, this is where you turn it around on me, and say you let me.. Well, true I do.. or did. I played your games long enough. But I see right through you now. Please, all I’m asking is for the truth. You know that I know.. And you know I caught you.. Why are you still hiding it from me? What are you afraid of? More so, what are you ashamed of? Please just do right for once.. Stop kidding yourself. You are liar, and a damn good one.

Well do I just feel better… Although, I repeatedly come back to the thought of telling him my frustrations, me and my over thinking and over analyzing every situation self chooses to let it go and vent to someone else… But recently, I think talking to him may be better. It won’t give him the satisfaction of winning. Maybe have an ounce of guilt on himself.. Ahh who am I kidding. I doubt he’ll feel guilty at all. I’m not mad, no.. Just taken back at how I could put so much time and love into something and get smothered by it. It’s definitely an interesting feeling pain, but I do feel better and more open to the world now. I guess you could say I’m mad at myself. But I’m seeking forgiveness. You can’t change people. They may say they will change just to get you back.. but they won’t. And I’m okay with that. I’ve accepted that and it’s time to move forward.

Side note: You are a great person.. Just not the one for me. The sweetest revenge is self inflicted.. And when you meet that girl, I hope you treat her like I treated you.. and she treats you, like you did me.. Then will you finally realize.. Then I will forgive you. Til then!


KL =)