People make mistakes… A phrase a lot of people have heard over and over.. Well I am one, to make numerous mistakes. Recently, I’ve fucked up. Majorly. Why do I do horrible things to people I care about? I just grow to regret my decisions and it brings me into a state of depression that I can’t even describe. It’s my own fault, no one else’s. My pride takes over, and all hell breaks loose.. I don’t even stop to think about who might be affected by the decisions I made.. Until, those decisions come back to haunt me, and I lose my friends. This ladies and gentlemen is why I don’t have friends. Just a little 411… Don’t waste your time, I’m really not worth it. I’m selfish, I’m too hard on myself, I constantly live in a state of fear, I’m unhappy, I hurt and upset my peers, and I lie, only to protect myself.. (And this is where you say, SHE’S A KEEPER, in the most sarcastic tone ever).. I do believe I’m an honest person more often than not.. And I am working towards proving that.

Dear …

I lost your trust.. Forever I only assume. Which is okay, well not really, because it shouldn’t have been like that. I have always been honest with you about EVERYTHING.. and then one little slip up, my personal mistake, cost our friendship.. I don’t expect you to forgive me, trust me, befriend me, by any means, and I won’t waste your time seeking for acceptance, or forgiveness.. You shouldn’t, and you won’t. You’ve made that very clear. I’m upset at myself.. getting caught in the act, upsetting you.. The whole nine yards.. I put this all on myself, and you have every right to hate me. I don’t even know why what happened, happened.. Maybe, because it was a spur of the moment deal, not planned.. We don’t even like each other needless to say. But that’s beside the point. I know you don’t have faith in me.. And I apologize for the way things ended up. I won’t ask you to trust me, but I think you should. I panicked, got lost in my own ego.. I don’t know why… And it really fucking sucks, but you should and can trust me. As you shake your head, the only way to prove that to you is to show you. I care entirely too much for you, and as you ramble on the thoughts in your head and disagree with my statement, you should know it’s 150% true. I do care for you. I like you, and yes, only you.. I just want to see you happy, and I’ll work harder than anything I’ve ever worked for to gain your trust back. I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t know why you still talk to me. I appreciate that you do though! I could certainly use a second chance. Or a fresh start..